i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
