every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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