i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
