So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
