i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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