There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
