He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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