i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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