My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
