so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
