I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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