My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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