Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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