first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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