I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
