Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
