if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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