Who did Billy Mays play for?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
