Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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