The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
