I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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