woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
