I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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