I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
