Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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