RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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