Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
