i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
