Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
