i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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