no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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