So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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