Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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