Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
