Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
