I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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