A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
