Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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