I cockslap morals
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
