I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
