OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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