I just threw up on my dentist
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
