Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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