Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
