Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
