Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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