I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
