Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
