When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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