Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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