I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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