omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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