i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
